Square peg, round hole

Firstly, got that sinking feeling I'm being buggered again. Way things are seeming to pan out over here, points toward me having to fork out for my trip back to the UK as well as not being able to take my leave as they are still disputing it all with me. Its all just getting to me. I just long for a place where everything is laid out, straight forward and logical. Oh and a lil sympathetic understanding wouldn't hurt a bit either.

Been feeling for a while now that I've never really fitted in. Its been some thing that has always been in the back of my mind. But lately its been playing a lil more. Mainly due to reading a blog of a good friend. Also my current environment can't help but force the issue in my face.

Firstly with my immediate colleagues in Zurich. I guess its understandable due to the language barrier and the fact I am the new face so I'll never really mesh that well so soon. But also with my long time colleagues I just don't seem to fit. Guess alot comes into it. Interests, for one, alot of things that interest me, bore the pants off everyone else, and vice versa. Then there are things that I find amusing that next to no one else gets. I also get that a good deal of the isolation I feel is due to me being me. I would much rather spend time alone than in a group discussing pointless issues and pushing small talk. Tis true I should make more effort to integrate but to be honest I really can't be bothered. I'd rather me be me, rather than put on a smile and an act just to get into the "group" so to speak.

I always have the nagging feeling I should change my behaviour as its not the best to have and being like that has gotten me into problems throughout my life. My life in the Army certainly taught me that lesson. But I really hate every minute of pretending to be who I am not. I' much rather be me and be a lil less popular than be a square peg forced into a round hole.