Truth forgotten

Its hard to put into words what's in my head at the moment. But above all the sense of being alone. But then its always the way I've been.Just that when times are rosy its easy to forget the truth of the bottom line. But it is refreshing for the truth to be shoved in my face every now and then. Be prepared to stand alone, always.

Hard to explain my current state of mind without going into details. But I'll try to without implicating too many parties. Before I left to do my A320 course I spoke to who I considered, after several years of working together, a close colleague, "J". Who I learnt, had made headway into a contract I was very interested to break into. TBH due to the rate of pay it was not a very attractive contract to alot of people. But what interested me was the location not the money. I wanted to take the contract because it would mean I would be physically closer to family and friends. Meaning I could take a short 20min flight home every weekend. Before I left I explained to "J" my reasons and if he managed to make progress into the contract to remember me and put me in line for it. And so ends that chapter.

For the past few weeks I've been canvasing the contracting market. And by chance I managed to get a lead on the afore mentioned contract I was interested in. And thru the contract agency recruiter, I learn by chance that "J" was one of the applicants. From what I learnt he was all but on board, pending the visa for his other half. And having spoken to him several times while on the course, nothing was ever mentioned regarding the contract. The real kicker came while chatting to another colleague "B" who was on the course with me. Hearing of how "J" had submitted "B"s CV for the contract and not mine. And "J"s apparent reason for doing so? Because "B"s other half expressed an interest in visiting that part of the world the contract was located. So did "J" forget or ignore the more practical needs I had to take that job? You could say maybe "J" knew I had applied for the job, but it is very unlikely as when he submitted "B"s CV the recruiter had not even realized that "J" and myself were colleagues till several days later. I hope there are other reasons in play I am unaware of. I prefer to think the best of people.

But somehow he had totally forgotten me and my reasons. Choosing instead to put forward someone else simply because their other half fancied a bit of tourist action. Then again I will admit that I have not the facts from his side of the fence. But from my point of view it seems he has chosen to select "B" over myself simply because they spend more times over drinks than I choose to do. Maybe I should be more social in my approach to work. But that is just not me. I'm just not a very social person. It can take me years to become totally comfortable with someone. But that does not mean I don't help strangers with problems.

Not saying I'm shedding tears or losing sleep over the current situation. Infact years of being alone has already conditioned me to making sure I'm always covered. So its not like I've been put out by this or put at any disadvantage. This has simply reminded me of some basic truths which I have begun to forget. Thou there is the tinge of regret to realize others intentions toward me. To realize that despite favors I always gave freely, I am still easily forgotten. But it can only be a good thing to know of others intentions toward you.